The Sanderson Gazette - 2021-11-10 - Immunized Against Success

"I will bravely be the voice of dissent" will go on Rob's tombstone. - Dave

Week 9 Recap

Scott def. Mike R., 88.40-57.39

This was a real bummer of a week (more on that in Closing Thoughts), so how about we start out by recapping Scott's first win! DeVonta Smith (21.47) put Scott in good position heading into Monday night, and Chris Boswell (15.00) and Cole Kmet (11.60) provided a strong finish. Mike also had a nice Monday night, as Pat Freiermuth (17.73) was his best player overall.

But don't lose sight of the fact that this contest was between two teams that now have two wins combined. There were five players in this matchup that scored 1.00 or less: Kadarius Toney (0.50), Greg Zuerlein (zero), and the 49ers defense (-2.00) for Mike, and the Saints defense (1.00) and Chase Edmonds (0.30) for Scott.

Babel def. Schertz, 118.94-66.28

The Babel machine kept on rolling behind Nick Chubb (29.17), Melvin Gordon III (16.00), and Najee Harris (14.33). Meanwhile, Schertz's first game without Derrick Henry was a disaster; not a single one of his players scored above their Yahoo projection, and only Devin Singletary (7.33, vs. 7.49) even came close.

Matt def. Pat, 101.27-91.70

Lamar Jackson (31.80) had a great week for Matt, who avoided any big busts among the rest of his starters. Pat got an even better QB game from Justin Herbert (35.20), but CeeDee Lamb (3.07), Khalil Herbert (1.30), and the Dallas defense (zero) all put up duds and extended his losing streak to eight games.

Dave def. Ed, 96.45-87.10

This contest was close heading into the Sunday night game, as Dave clung to a single-digit lead with his Cooper Kupp (12.67) going against Ed's A.J. Brown (5.60) and Tyler Higbee (6.80). Dave came away victorious - and has since acquired Brown. No huge duds here, though Aaron Jones (5.30 for Ed) and Tyreek Hill (4.53 for Dave) were serious disappointments. (Dave has since acquired Jones.)

Derrek def. Kevin, 120.87-73.47

Derrek's team exploded behind Jonathan Taylor (33.93), the Miami defense (17.00), and Justin Jefferson (16.30). Kevin got 17.80 from Cordarelle Patterson and 12.00 from the Arizona defense, but Josh Allen (10.20) barely cracked double digits.

Rabbit def. Pulley, 103.31-77.53

Christian McCaffrey (12.40) is back for Rabs, but his team was powered much more by the Patriots defense (20.00), Matt Gay (12.00), and Marquise Brown (15.47) this week. On the other side of this matchup, Joe Mixon (24.53) continued his great season and George Kittle (17.47) returned to have a big game, but Pulley fell to 2-7 on the year.

Richie def. Rob, 92.92-61.19

Richie didn't even break a sweat to defeat Rob, and that was with huge duds from Tyrod Taylor (5.80) and Bryan Edwards (zero). James Conner (37.87) and Travis Kelce (15.07) made up for them, and were better than anything Rob had to offer. (His best score was 14.53 from Michael Pittman, Jr.)

Standings

  1. Babel, 8-1, 1,073.20
  2. Richie, 7-2, 1,022.08
  3. Derrek, 7-2, 970.00
  4. Dave, 7-2, 950.17
  5. Matt, 7-2, 933.07
  6. Rabbit, 6-3, 1,005.43
  7. Schertz, 6-3, 1,000.15
  8. Kevin, 5-4, 956.86
  9. Ed, 3-6, 927.89
  10. Pulley, 2-7, 836.84
  11. Rob, 2-7, 799.30
  12. Mike R., 1-8, 875.60
  13. Pat, 1-8, 851.99
  14. Scott, 1-8, 658.80

Blingalytics Ratings

  1. Babel, 738
  2. Richie, 640
  3. Derrek, 627
  4. Schertz, 600
  5. Rabbit, 580
  6. Dave, 557
  7. Kevin, 550
  8. Ed, 537
  9. Matt, 472
  10. Mike R., 453
  11. Pat, 406
  12. Pulley, 385
  13. Rob, 328
  14. Scott, 127

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

Derrek's 120.87 is better than last week's Blangums score, but is still the 23rd worst ever.

Slapped Heartbeat

Mike R.'s 57.39 is the fourth sub-60 game we've had this year.

Weekly MVP

James Conner (37.87) is inarguably the best accidental pick in Blingaleague history, right? Richie might have been using a 2020 cheat sheet when he picked Conner, but it sure has worked out for him.

Dud of the Week

CeeDee Lamb (3.07) didn't have the lowest score of the week - or even the lowest score on Pat's team - but he came in way below expectations in a winnable game.

Start of the Week / Misplay of the Week

The lack of close games this week leaves these two awards vacant.

Pickup of the Week

Scott picked up Cole Kmet, who delivered 11.60 points.

Week 10 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Swift Justice (Babel, 8-1, 1st) vs. Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 7-2, 4th)

Babel leads all-time series, 12-3.

Week 10 will have one thing in common with weeks 8 and 9 - Babel's featured in our Game of the Blingaweek.

Normally, week 10's Gazette would have a section describing playoff clinching scenarios, especially if there was an 8-1 team; every previous 9-1 team clinched by the end of week 10. But 2021 is so top heavy that Babel cannot formally lock up a playoff spot this week - no matter how well Najee Harris (vs. DET), D'Andre Swift (@PIT), and Matthew Stafford (@SF) play.

And against wheelin' 'n' dealin' Dave, Babel might even be an underdog. A.J. Brown (vs. NO), Aaron Jones (vs. SEA), and T.J. Hockenson (@PIT) were imported from Ed's team to complement other recent additions Tyreek Hill (@LV), Cooper Kupp (@SF), and Kyler Murray (vs. CAR). Only Alvin Kamara (@TEN) remains from Dave's week 1 lineup!

Pick: Super Bash Bros.

Other Blingamatches

DK Country (Richie, 7-2, 2nd) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 7-2, 5th)

All-time series tied, 5-5.

Through 2020, only two week 10 games ever featured 14 combined wins by both participants. In 2010, 7-2 Rabbit defeated 7-2 Pulley, and in 2012, 7-2 Matt bested 7-2 Ed. It's pretty amazing that this game isn't our headliner.

Richie has already matched his highest win total in franchise history. He's also just one of 25 teams - including four this year - to have 1000 points or more after 9 weeks. Austin Ekeler (vs. MIN), Ezekiel Elliott (vs. ATL), and James Conner (vs. CAR) give him as good a RB trio as you could hope for; if he can start getting good QB - Ben Roethlisberger (vs. DET) is up this week - he has as good a shot as anyone at taking home the Sanderson Cup this year.

Matt's 7-2 record might only be good for 5th place so far this year, but it still keeps him well in the running for his fourth straight Blingabowl appearance. He's on a five game winning streak, but six doesn't look likely when you take into account his opponent, especially if Dalvin Cook's (@LAC) off-field issues have an on-field impact.

Pick: DK Country.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 6-3, 6th) vs. Live Commish (Ed, 3-6, 9th)

Rabbit leads all-time series, 11-5.

Rabs is a victim of the extreme distribution of records this year; prior to 2021, no 6-3 team had ever been worse than 5th place after week 9. Christian McCaffrey's (@ARI) return could be the boost he needs to leapfrog a few teams; the #1 overall pick joins a few guys like Marquise Brown (@MIA) and Darrell Henderson, Jr. (@SF), who are flying under the radar this year.

The Gazette is going to do a deeper dive on our historic set of losers this week, and while Ed is our first previewed team with a losing record, he doesn't really fit the mold for a few reasons. He's not among our record five teams with two or fewer wins, he has an above .500 expected winning percentage, and he just won Team Blangums a week ago. New additions Terry McLaurin (vs. TAM) and Kyle Pitts (@DAL) don't make him a favorite this week, but they do contribute to a team that does have a shot at the upset.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

D's Nuts (Derrek, 7-2, 3rd) vs. The Vistas are Back (Pat, 1-8, 13th)

Derrek leads all-time series, 8-4.

Derrek has made it to a 7-2 record despite Patrick Mahomes II (@LV) failing to break twenty the past three weeks. A big reason why is Jonathan Taylor (vs. JAC), who has been ridiculously good.

Pat is no stranger to being a loser, so this year looks pretty normal for him at first glance. So while he's only had a record this bad once before, he actually has his fourth highest expected wins total through nine weeks ever. That's damning with faint praise, of course, as he's 0 for 12 on making the playoffs. And if he loses or Rabbit or Schertz wins this week, it will guarantee he reaches a baker's dozen.

Pick: D's Nuts.

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 6-3, 7th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 2-7, 11th)

Schertz leads all-time series, 8-3.

It doesn't seem like anyone has high hopes for Schertz with Derrick Henry sidelined, but Tom Brady (@WAS) and Mike Evans (@WAS) do return this week. He also gets to play Rob, so he's got a good shot at staying on the edge of the playoff picture for another week, at least.

Rob's been one of the more consistently competitive Blingaleague franchises, so it's a little surprising that his 2-7 record is merely tied for his worst nine-week mark ever. By expected wins, he's also slightly better that his brutal 2019 season.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 5-4, 8th) vs. Can I Play the Spread? (Scott, 1-8, 14th)

Kevin leads all-time series, 2-1.

Kevin's over .500 after nine weeks for the sixth straight year, the longest streak in the league. But this year seems to be slipping away from him as he looks up at seven teams with more wins. There are a few things working in his favor in week 10, though: Josh Allen (@NYJ) and Davante Adams (vs. SEA) should bounce back from bad games... and he plays Scott.

We've covered Scott's horrendous year plenty, and while he still appears at the top of too many "worst" tables, week 9 has to put a little spring back in his step - at least until week 10 brings him crashing back to Earth. He'll be without breakout TE Cole Kmet (bye), and his QB situation is dire; neither Trey Lance (vs. LAR) nor Jordan Love (vs. SEA) is expected to start this week.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 2-7, 10th) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 1-8, 12th)

Pulley leads all-time series, 8-6.

Being grouped with the losers is a strange experience for Pulley. He made it nearly a decade without even having a losing record at this point in the year, let alone a record this bad. You have to look back to 2009 to find the Pullman in a worse position, and he went out and won his next three games in that year.

Mike has much more futility in his history, including one of the worst full seasons ever, but he's never had fewer than two wins before.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Closing Thoughts

Week 9 was pretty disappointing. Its 88.34 point average is the 12th lowest ever, and its average margin (29.64) ranks 127th out of 178. Nowhere to go but up?