The Sanderson Gazette - 2022-09-21 - 174 GigaSchertz

Week 2 Recap

Ed def. Derrek, 93.01-84.98

The Game of the Blingaweek was high on drama but lower on quality; it was the first time in six years that either Derrek or Ed failed to score 100+ in their matchup.

From a quality perspective, just about every player unperformed in this one, with the only standouts being Daniel Carlson (13.20) for D and Kyler Murray (28.15) and Christian Kirk (22.40) for Ed. The drama came on Monday night, when A.J. Brown (9.20) scored enough to hold off Justin Jefferson (6.40) and Dawson Knox (5.47) and officially end the commissioner's losing streak against Derrek.

Schertz def. Kevin, 174.73-101.99

Meanwhile, Schertz put up the fourth highest score in Blingaleague history in week 2 and crushed Kev. Lamar Jackson (45.80), Stefon Diggs (37.73), Aaron Jones (30.27), the San Francisco defense (17.00), and Tyler Bass (13.60) all had outstanding weeks for the victor.

Kevin didn't have a bad week himself, with Cooper Kupp (24.40) and Michael Thomas (14.67) both doing quite well, but it was no match for Schertz's explosion.

Rabbit def. Scott, 126.44-102.49

Early on Sunday, it looked like Rabbit would be the one challenging the single-game scoring record, as Tyreek Hill (37.33), Amon-Ra St. Brown (34.27), and Rashod Bateman (20.40) all put up ridiculous scores. But Trey Lance (2.80) and Jerry Jeudy (1.57) got hurt, and Albert Okwuegbunam put up a zero, so Rabs will settle for a mere victory.

Scott broke 100 for the second straight week thanks to Josh Allen (32.35) and the Buffalo defense (22.00).

Rob def. Mike R., 118.22-85.37

Rob improved to 2-0 behind Jaylen Waddle (34.80) and Nick Chubb (30.17) - and despite zeroes from Parris Campbell and the Washington defense. Mike saw Tom Brady (10.80), Derrick Henry (8.50), and Ja'Marr Chase (7.60) all underperform.

Pulley def. Richie, 84.20-76.99

Pulley and Richie didn't put on a game quite as bad as their 2015 semifinal, but it was still sad. At least it came down to Monday night, where Miles Sanders (8.80) had a good enough game relative to Devin Singletary (2.17) and Jake Elliott (5.80) for the Pullman to hang on to his lead.

Babel def. Pat, 83.53-77.19

This one was just as bad as Pulley vs. Richie, as only Derek Carr (21.00 for Babel) and Matthew Stafford (21.10 for Pat) broke 20 points.

Matt def. Dave, 132.79-74.37

Finally, Matt had a great week that didn't come close to Blangums, with Jalen Hurts (34.85) finishing what Mike Williams (21.07) started. Dave had a very rough week; while Davante Adams (7.60) and Travis Kelce (6.80) weren't his worst players, our defending champ will need more from them to repeat.

Standings

  1. Rabbit, 2-0, 254.73
  2. Rob, 2-0, 233.38
  3. Ed, 2-0, 215.29
  4. Schertz, 1-1, 274.48
  5. Matt, 1-1, 224.27
  6. Derrek, 1-1, 222.08
  7. Kevin, 1-1, 193.81
  8. Mike R., 1-1, 179.64
  9. Pulley, 1-1, 157.84
  10. Babel, 1-1, 147.29
  11. Richie, 1-1, 141.56
  12. Scott, 0-2, 202.78
  13. Dave, 0-2, 193.88
  14. Pat, 0-2, 137.12

Blingalytics Ratings

  1. Rabbit, 909
  2. Rob, 810
  3. Schertz, 773
  4. Matt, 665
  5. Ed, 646
  6. Derrek, 631
  7. Scott, 560
  8. Dave, 503
  9. Kevin, 484
  10. Mike R., 374
  11. Pulley, 220
  12. Babel, 172
  13. Richie, 132
  14. Pat, 121

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

As stated above, Schertz's 174.73 is now the fourth highest score we've ever had.

Slapped Heartbeat

Dave's 74.37 was our low of the week.

Weekly MVP

Lamar Jackson put up an amazing 45.80 for Schertz.

Dud of the Week

Dave was hoping the Indianapolis defense (zero) would lock down the Jaguars; instead, the Colts were the team that was shut out.

Start of the Week

Pulley chose the correct Jaguars RB this week, as choosing James Robinson's 14.27 over Travis Etienne's 6.40 made a difference in his matchup.

Misplay of the Week

A few good candidates this week:

  • Pat played Matthew Stafford (21.10) over Carson Wentz (28.65) and lost by 6.34;
  • Richie played Hunter Henry (zero) over Mike Gesicki (11.47) and lost by 7.21;
  • Derrek played the Cincinnati defense (6.00) over Tampa Bay (28.00) and lost by 8.03.

Let's call it a three-way tie.

Blessed Cahoots

Both Pulley and Babel won with sub-90 scores. They'll split this award and we'll move along.

D'Ernest D'oh

Rob used his #1 waiver position on Curtis Samuel, who scored 18.50... on his bench. Instead, Parris Campbell put up a zero in his starting lineup. Rob still won, but this was not a move covered in glory.

Week 3 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 2-0, 1st) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 2-0, 2nd)

Rob leads all-time series, 9-7.

Rabbit is just the fourth team to have an expected winning percentage over .900 after two weeks. (And yet, it's not even his best start in the last two seasons!)

Remarkably, Rabs has done this with relatively medicore games from Christian McCaffrey (vs. NO). If the Panthers RB returns to his old form, Rabs could dominate like his 2010 team did. It will help if Amon-Ra St. Brown (@MIN) keeps up his scorching start.

Rob is 2-0 for the fifth time in the last seven years. He's way ahead of his best expected wins mark, achieved back in 2011. Eleven years ago, he lost in week 3; will Jaylen Waddle (vs. BUF) repeat week 2 and prevent that from happening?

Pick: Rob for Today.

Other Blingamatches

Live Commish (Ed, 2-0, 3rd) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 1-1, 5th)

Ed leads all-time series, 9-8.

Ed is quite the stranger to 2-0; he hasn't won his first two games in nine years! (Only Mike R. has a longer drought.) Ed needs to get more out of Kyle Pitts (@SEA) to be a true contender, though, and he'll need to get something out of Chris Olave (@CAR) to cover the suspended Mike Evans to move to 3-0.

Matt has more points so far than Ed, and has only had this many (224.27) four times before. His 2010 team missed the playoffs, but the other three versions all made the Blingabowl. Jalen Hurts (@WAS) has been great so far for our Monster Heel, and his picks of Saquon Barkley (vs. DAL) and Courtland Sutton (vs. SF) make it look like Matt won his pre-draft trade with Ed, especially with Evans out this week.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

D's Nuts (Derrek, 1-1, 6th) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 1-1, 8th)

Derrek leads all-time series, 9-8.

Derrek dropped one of his first two games for just the second time in the last five seasons. In 2019, he made the semifinals, but barely scraped into the playoffs. Jonathan Taylor (vs. KC) and Justin Jefferson (vs. DET) will look to bounce back from down weeks to earn D his second win of the year.

Mike hasn't been 1-1 since his record-breaking 2018 season. He definitely won't finish as strong as he did that year without Tom Brady (vs. GB) getting his shit together.

Pick: D's Nuts.

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-1, 4th) vs. DK Country (Richie, 1-1, 11th)

Schertz leads all-time series, 6-4.

Schertz is no stranger to high scores early in the year, but his 274.48 points so far is by far his highest. His next best mark was set in his championship season. Aaron Jones (@TAM) was on that team and had a huge week 2; this should concern the rest of us.

Meanwhile, Richie's team is named after a player that's no longer on his roster. That might be more embarrassing than his 0.26 expected wins, which is his worst start in franchise history. That's saying something, because no one has more seasons with less than 0.5 expected wins through two weeks. Austin Ekeler (vs. JAC) has been a disappointment so far. I'd say the same about Russell Wilson (vs. SF), except his Monday night performance earned Richie a comeback win in week 1.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 1-1, 9th) vs. Three Digit FC (Scott, 0-2, 12th)

All-time series tied, 2-2.

Pulley is a stranger to bad starts; this is his first sub-0.5 expected win start since 2011. James Robinson (@LAC) and Miles Sanders (@WAS) look like good picks, though, so there's a good chance he can turn his season around.

Scott also opened the season with two straight 100-point games back in 2020, when he had a pretty epic collapse to miss the playoffs. So far this year, Josh Allen (@MIA) and the Buffalo defense (@MIA) have looked absolutely worthy of being the first QB and defense taken, respectively. Is this the week Scott converts that into a win?

Pick: Three Digit FC.

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 1-1, 7th) vs. The Vistas are Back (Pat, 0-2, 14th)

Pat leads all-time series, 10-3.

Kevin has a long and notable history, but he's never started the season quite so average before. Michael Thomas (@CAR) looks like a shrewd pick, but Joe Mixon (@NYJ) has disappointed so far.

Pat's in a familiar place: 14th. A big reason for that is second overall pick Dalvin Cook (vs. DET), who has less than 16 points total in his first two games.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Swift Justice (Babel, 1-1, 10th) vs. Super Bash Bros. (Dave, 0-2, 13th)

Babel leads all-time series, 12-4.

Beginning in 2016, Babel's started the season this bad every three years. He's also made the playoffs every three years. Namesake D'Andre Swift (@MIN) has been excellent so far; if Babel continues that trend, he'll be the reason why.

Dave's the first defending champ to start 0-2 since 2015 Babel. That doesn't bode well in the long run, but Babel did break 150 the next week. Dave will need Davante Adams (@TEN) to step up big time to repeat that feat.

Pick: Super Bash Bros.

Closing Thoughts

I noted week 1's standard deviation of 24.23 as being pretty high in last week's Gazette. Well, week 2's was even higher, at 27.25. That's the 19th highest of all time.