The Sanderson Gazette - 2023-12-13 - Sustained Hatred
As noted last week, Mike R.'s loss means that, for the first time ever, we'll have four teams in the playoffs that weren't there the previous year.
Week 14 Recap
Pulley def. Rob, 119.33-98.22
Let's start with the Clash of Hatred, which lived up to its usual hype and came down to the final quarter of the two(!) Monday night games. After Justin Herbert (0.80) left with an injury, things looked bad for Pulley. But Joe Mixon (20.03), George Kittle (16.13), and Courtland Sutton (14.27) all played well on Sunday, while Dak Prescott (19.15) and CeeDee Lamb (15.47) both slightly underperformed for Rob.
Rob mounted a comeback on Monday, pulling within three points late behind Saquon Barkley's 20.60. But then Raheem Mostert (22.13) and Derrick Henry (17.67) scored three touchdowns in the final six minutes of game time to push Pulley to a unexpectedly wide margin of victory... and Team Blangums!
Ed def. Babel, 110.42-92.60
Ed pulled off the upset in the matchup for first place behind Brandon Aubrey (24.40), Breece Hall (21.47), and Josh Allen (21.35). Babel had a shot to come back on Monday, but Tua Tagovailoa (9.00) disappointed and the Miami defense (10.00) crumbled at the end.
Matt def. Mike R., 118.79-86.59
Matt had Blangums stolen at the last minute, but still moved into the second bye with Babel's loss. It was Deebo Samuel (31.97), yet again, that was Matt's best player, though the Saints defense (23.00) and Isaiah Likely (17.07) helped. Mike got 24.67 from Evan Engram, but his repeat bid has officially come to an end.
Scott def. Richie, 113.68-106.60
With the playoffs in sight, Scott gave it his all. David Njoku (24.13), James Cook (22.87), and Javonte Williams (15.93) helped him nearly win Team Blangums, but he fell short of his primary goal when Pulley won. Richie got 20.60 from Rachaad White as he ended the year just like he started it: as the highest-scoring loser.
Derrek def. Rabbit, 81.88-74.77
Derrek stayed perfect (6-0) against Rabbit in rivalry week, with Drake London (24.93) being the surprise points leader in this one. Rabs was undone by Sam LaPorta (3.47) and Jordan Love (10.10).
Kevin def. Dave, 104.05-70.04
Kevin finished strong, with Cooper Kupp (21.33) outperforming expectations by the most. Him leaving Rhamondre Steveson (out) in his lineup also means I get to use my favorite Gazette hashtag again.
Dave got 25.60 from Matthew Stafford and 16.60 from Bijan Robinson in the loss.
Schertz def. Pat, 98.35-76.03
Pat's Lamar Jackson (33.80) won the quarterback battle against Justin Fields (25.45), but Schertz won the war thanks to D.J. Moore (23.07).
Standings
- Ed, 11-3, 1,435.66 (b)
- Matt, 9-5, 1,604.45 (b)
- Babel, 9-5, 1,529.84 (x)
- Pulley, 8-6, 1,622.22 (x)
- Rob, 8-6, 1,554.64 (x)
- Rabbit, 8-6, 1,533.82 (x)
- Scott, 8-6, 1,296.31
- Mike R., 7-7, 1,455.29
- Schertz, 6-8, 1,340.53
- Dave, 6-8, 1,298.54
- Pat, 5-9, 1,340.79
- Derrek, 5-9, 1,248.34
- Richie, 4-10, 1,290.73
- Kevin, 4-10, 1,220.54
- (b) - clinched bye
- (x) - clinched playoff spot
Blingalytics Ratings
- Matt, 695
- Pulley, 683
- Rabbit, 629
- Rob, 618
- Babel, 600
- Mike R., 547
- Ed, 530
- Pat, 439
- Schertz, 422
- Scott, 399
- Richie, 387
- Dave, 380
- Derrek, 350
- Kevin, 321
Weekly Awards
Team Blangums
Pulley, who scored 119.33, had a special message for Rob: "I would not have gotten Blangums without you dropping Justin Tucker for me."
Slapped Heartbeat
Dave ended his season with a rough 70.04.
Weekly MVP
Brandon Aubrey kicked field goals from 45, 50, 59, and 60 yards, putting up 24.40 points for Ed. That was a higher score than all but three QBs that started in Blingaleague this week.
Dud of the Week
Pat's kicker, Matt Gay, missed an extra point and a field goal to finish with -2.00.
Start of the Week
Playing Courtland Sutton's 14.27 over Diontae Johnson's 13.60 gave Pulley the points he needed to win Team Blangums.
Misplay of the Week
It wouldn't have gotten him into the playoffs, but Scott would have easily won Team Blangums had he played DeAndre Hopkins (22.53) over Noah Brown (zero).
Pickup of the Week
Kevin picked up the Vikings defense and got 19.00 points out of it.
Season Postmortems
Kevin, 4-10 (0.286), 1,220.54 points, 14th place, 4.50 expected wins
Kevin lost his first five games in historically bad fashion - including an epic 108.79-point margin of defeat in week five - but then rallied to win three straight. He promptly lost five straight again, though four were by less than twelve points, avoiding landing in the bottom ten of all-time in expected win percentage.
He didn't trade Cooper Kupp for a flashy keeper, as he avoided trades entirely, but he does have rookie Jahmyr Gibbs as an option in what's likely the late second round and Jerome Ford for an eleventh.
Richie, 4-10 (0.286), 1,290.73 points, 13th place, 5.41 expected wins
Richie, like Kevin, started the season by losing five straight and was never able to turn it around. He had a low ceiling, but was at least quite consistent.
Richie did make a lot of trades, adding Rachaad White (keeper cost: 7th), Puka Nacua (9th), George Pickens (6th), and Jaylen Warren (9th) - in addition to Garrett Wilson (7th) - as potential keeper options, which means he should expect 2024 to be better than 2023.
Derrek, 5-9 (0.357), 1,248.34 points, 12th place, 4.89 expected wins
Derrek's six year playoff streak ended as he put up his worst year since finishing in last place in 2016. At least he can feel good about his rivalry week upset.
Trade acquisitions Isiah Pacheco (keeper cost: 7th), Zay Flowers (7th), C.J. Stroud (9th), and Tank Dell (9th) should provide a solid foundation for next year, though.
Pat, 5-9 (0.357), 1,340.79 points, 11th place, 6.15 expected wins
Early on, Pat had records of 2-1 and 3-3, but never reached higher than seventh in the standings. He ultimately ended the year on a three game losing streak.
Jordan Addison (keeper cost: 6th), Alvin Kamara (4th), and D'Andre Swift (5th) look like his best keeper options heading into next year.
Dave, 6-8 (0.429), 1,298.54 points, 10th place, 5.32 expected wins
After week ten, Dave was 5-5 and in playoff contention, having made some big trades for Jonathan Taylor and Breece Hall. But when Joe Burrow got hurt on the Thursday of week eleven, Dave made a bold move to punt the season by trading Taylor and Hall for Bijan Robinson, and also Travis Kelce and A.J. Brown for Justin Jefferson. Ironically, he wound up winning that week, but his depleted roster lost every remaining game.
Jefferson and Robinson both project to go in the first round next year, and it looks like Dave will be keeping them for his first two picks.
Schertz, 6-8 (0.429), 1,340.53 points, 9th place, 5.91 expected wins
Schertz started 4-1, scoring 130+ in weeks four and five. He then lost six in a row and became an also-ran.
He nabbed De'Von Achane (keeper cost: 9th) and Zach Charbonnet (7th) to add to D.J. Moore (3rd) as possible 2024 keepers.
Mike R., 7-7 (0.500), 1,455.29 points, 8th place, 7.66 expected wins
Mike's Sanderson Cup defense started off quite well; at the six week mark, he was 5-1 and in second place. But then, the wheels fell off, as he lost five straight and fell out of playoff position permanently. He at least got two Team Blangums payouts, though.
As a contender, Mike traded away potential keeper Jordan Addison. Trey McBride (keeper cost: 9th) has some potential, as well as Amon-Ra St. Brown (2nd).
Scott, 8-6 (0.571), 1,296.31 points, 7th place, 5.59 expected wins
Scott became just the second team to finish multiple games above .500 and miss the playoffs. He had a roller coaster of a season, starting 1-5 and trading away Breece Hall for keepers, but then winning five straight to become a buyer.
Despite his late-season push, he still has some decent-looking keeper options in Michael Pittman, Jr. (keeper cost: 5th), James Cook (5th), Javonte Williams (6th), and Anthony Richardson (8th).
Draft Lottery Odds
Here are the chances for each team to get the #1 overall pick in 2024:
- Kevin: 19%
- Richie: 18%
- Derrek: 15%
- Pat: 14%
- Dave: 11%
- Schertz: 11%
- Mike R.: 7%
- Scott: 5%
Quarterfinals Preview
#4 Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 8-6) vs. #5 Rob for Today (Rob, 8-6)
We went fourteen years without any quarterfinals games being matchups of the final week of the regular season, but now it's happened two years in a row! And this year, it features our most contentious rivalry!
Pulley's coming of a big win, but his team will look very different at quarterback; Justin Herbert (IR) is out for the season, so the MondoSquad will likely turn to one of Desmond Ridder (@CAR) or Mitch Trubisky (@IND). (And also don't think we don't see you being stashed down there, Aaron Rodgers (IR).) His trio of RBs - Joe Mixon (vs. MIN), Derrick Henry (vs. HOU), and Raheem Mostert (vs. NYJ) - look ready to carry the day again, and his WRs - Stefon Diggs (vs. DAL) and Courtland Sutton (@DET) - could very well get involved in shootouts.
Rob has the other side of one of those potential shootouts in the form of Dak Prescott and CeeDee Lamb (both @BUF). Calvin Ridley (vs. BAL) will look to bounce back, and Jaylen Waddle (vs. NYJ) has to score a touchdown at some point, right? It will be interesting to see if Rob rolls with waiver wire pickup Zamir White (vs. LAC) on Thursday, or if he's content with Tee Higgins (vs. MIN) in his second flex spot.
Pick: Rob will fail to eliminate Pullman's MondoSquad for the second straight week.
Keep Calm & Dameon (Babel, 9-5, 3rd) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 8-6, 6th)
Rabbit leads all-time series, 11-8.
Babel and Rabs don't have the history - or animosity - that Pulley and Rob do, but they have met in the playoffs three times before. Rabbit has the most recent victory, knocking Babel out in the quarterfinals in 2021, but Babel has the bigger ones, taking home the Sanderson Cup in 2014 and eliminating Rabbit in the semis as part of his classic "Video Game Bosses" run in 2012.
Babel's QB, Tua Tagovailoa (vs. NYJ), could have a hard time bouncing back from his subpar week fourteen, given his matchup. But Brandon Aiyuk (@ARI), Ezekiel Elliott (vs. KC), and Travis Kelce (@NE) all looked primed for big weeks, and his defense, Miami (vs. NYJ), faces the same opponent his QB does - but this is a good thing!
Rabs has Christian McCaffrey (@ARI). That alone gives him a chance to win every single week. His patience with Tony Pollard (@BUF) has paid off, and Rashee Rice (@NE) and Sam LaPorta (vs. DEN) have been two of the better pass-catching rookies this year. If Terry McLaurin (@LAR) breaks double digits for the first time since week eight, or Jordan Love (vs. TAM) puts up another three-touchdown game, I like Rabbit's chances.
Pick: A.J. Brown (@SEA) will outduel DK Metcalf (vs. PHI) on Monday night, and Keep Calm & Dameon will move onto the semifinals.
Closing Thoughts
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