The Sanderson Gazette - 2024-09-11 - Kicked in the Butt

Week 1 Recap

Richie def. Kevin, 87.90-85.49

The game I disparaged last issue turned out to be the last one decided this week. While Garrett Wilson (8.00) and Greg Zuerlein (1.00) didn't do much for Richie, the final touchdown by their team (the Jets) took just enough off of the 49ers defense's score (8.00) for Kevin to fall behind Mr. Armour.

Joe Mixon (24.43 for Richie) was the overall high scorer in this game.

Rabbit def. Matt, 94.54-84.05

Lamar Jackson (27.35) and Rashee Rice (13.73) put up enough on Thursday night for Rabbit to coast to victory over Matt's disappointing team. Matt did have hope on Monday night, but Brock Purdy (11.65) and George Kittle (5.33) laid an egg together.

Schertz def. Dave, 89.93-87.63

Schertz was nearly screwed by Christian McCaffrey's late scratch, as replacement Isaac Guerendo put up a zero. But prior to that, Xavier Worthy (20.37) and De'Von Achane (18.53) did enough to have a lead on Dave's middling bunch. The loser got 24.00 from the Vikings defense, but no one else on his team scored more than 13.87 points (Justin Jefferson).

Rob def. Ed, 115.13-102.93

The Blingabowl rematch featured the third and fourth highest scoring teams of the week. Rob, in third, got 31.97 from Saquon Barkley, 22.30 from Brandon Aubrey, and 17.07 from Chris Godwin. Ed, in the losing effort, got 29.00 from Jayden Daniels, 16.53 from Brian Robinson, Jr., and 14.60 from Breece Hall.

Babel def. Pulley, 127.53-89.12

Babel put up the highest score of the week behind Josh Allen (32.50), the Bears defense (26.00), and Ka'imi Fairbairn (17.20). He didn't need to score quite so much, as Pulley put up a disappointing week on the other side of the ledger. While veterans Cooper Kupp (21.67) and Stefon Diggs (17.00) had good games for the MondoSquad, veterans Raheem Mostert (2.23), Diontae Johnson (2.53), and Evan Engram (0.67) had really bad ones.

Scott def. Mike R., 122.31-102.58

Scott put up his eight highest score ever thanks to Anthony Richardson (27.20), A.J. Brown (21.87), David Montgomery (15.37), and Deebo Samuel (15.00). He needed it, too, as Mike had a good week opposite him, with Jake Moody (26.60) and Mike Evans (20.13) both cracking twenty points.

Pat def. Derrek, 90.24-75.23

Pat won this game at the QB (Tua Tagovailoa (20.50)) and flex (Aaron Jones (17.40) and Kenneth Walker III (17.10)) positions, which made up for Chris Olave and Dalton Kincaid each scoring just 1.47. Derrek got a zero from his defense (Browns), and only C.J. Stroud (19.00) even came close to twenty points.

Standings

  1. Babel, 1-0, 127.53
  2. Scott, 1-0, 122.31
  3. Rob, 1-0, 115.13
  4. Rabbit, 1-0, 94.54
  5. Pat, 1-0, 90.24
  6. Schertz, 1-0, 89.93
  7. Richie, 1-0, 87.90
  8. Ed, 0-1, 102.93
  9. Mike R., 0-1, 102.58
  10. Pulley, 0-1, 89.12
  11. Dave, 0-1, 87.63
  12. Kevin, 0-1, 85.49
  13. Matt, 0-1, 84.05
  14. Derrek, 0-1, 75.23

Blingalytics Ratings

  1. Babel, 929
  2. Scott, 892
  3. Rob, 810
  4. Ed, 607
  5. Mike R., 602
  6. Rabbit, 468
  7. Pat, 393
  8. Schertz, 389
  9. Pulley, 380
  10. Richie, 363
  11. Dave, 358
  12. Kevin, 324
  13. Matt, 301
  14. Derrek, 183

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

Babel takes this home for the second consecutive opening week - and third time in four seasons - with 127.53 points.

Slapped Heartbeat

Derrek lost to Pat - and also broke a tie with him for most week 1 Slapped Heartbeats - with 75.23 points.

Weekly MVP

Josh Allen put up 32.50 for Babel.

Dud of the Week

There are so many duds to choose from this week! Mark Andrews (1.87), Amon-Ra St. Brown (1.73), Dalton Kincaid (1.47), Chris Olave (1.47), Chuba Hubbard (1.40), Evan Engram (0.67), and Marvin Harrison, Jr. (0.53) all scored less than two points.

The award will go to St. Brown, who had the highest expectations among that group.

Start of the Week

Schertz kept Keenan Allen (3.87) on his bench in favor of Xaiver Worthy (20.37), which made a difference in his 2.30-point win.

Misplay of the Week

Matt left Baker Mayfield's 32.05 on his bench in favor of Brock Purdy's 11.65 and lost by just over ten points.

Blessed Cahoots

Schertz was probably saying this award's name out loud when he went into Monday night with a lead, making Christian McCaffrey's inactive status irrelevant.

Week 2 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Rob for Today (Rob, 1-0, 3rd) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 1-0, 4th)

Rob leads all-time series, 11-7.

Rob has to be encouraged by his opening week. While Saquon Barkley (vs. ATL) and Brandon Aubrey (vs. NO) almost certainly won't replicate their outlier scores, CeeDee Lamb (vs. NO), Michael Pittman, Jr. (@GB), and D'Andre Swift (@HOU) all have tons of room to improve. It will be interesting to see whom Rob chooses at QB: Justin Herbert (@CAR) or Dak Prescott (vs. NO).

Rabbit won, but probably should view this as a bounce-back week. Sam LaPorta (vs. TAM), Marvin Harrison, Jr. (vs. LAR), and Devin Singletary (@WAS) were all disappointing, and should all be expected to do much better moving forward. If Lamar Jackson's (vs. LV) lack of practice doesn't impact his status for Sunday, Rabs should be just fine.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Other Blingamatches

Slap it Again! (Scott, 1-0, 2nd) vs. Double Digits (Dave, 0-1, 11th)

Dave leads all-time series, 5-1.

Scott's current expected winning percentage is .892; that's the highest it's ever been! To keep that up, he'll need Anthony Richardson (@GB) to have another big game. But to merely win, he won't need quite so much. That's where A.J. Brown (vs. ATL), Kyle Pitts (@PHI), and Deebo Samuel (@MIN) come in.

On the other side, Dave will rely on stars who came through in week one (albeit in a losing effort): Justin Jefferson (vs. SF) and Bijan Robinson (@PHI). He'll need his pair of Ravens, Mark Andrews and Justin Tucker (both vs. LV), to bounce back. If not, he could be staring at an enormous uphill battle to make the playoffs.

Pick: Double Digits.

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-0, 6th) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 0-1, 9th)

All-time series tied, 6-6.

This year's Gentleman's Tussle features week 1's second lowest scoring winner and it's second highest scoring winner. The former is Schertz, who once again might be without Christian McCaffrey (@MIN). That's OK, as he has a deep RB room in De'Von Achane (vs. BUF), Kyren Williams (@ARI), and Jerome Ford (@JAC). A repeat performance for Xavier Worthy (vs. CIN) would make him hard to beat this week.

Mr. Romor would like to see his Jared Goff / Amon-Ra St. Brown (both vs. TAM) stack do much, much better than last week. He'd also like Alvin Kamara (@DAL) and Tony Pollard (vs. NYJ) to have another game where they look like they did in their primes.

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Keep Calm & Keon (Babel, 1-0, 1st) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 0-1, 13th)

Matt leads all-time series, 12-6.

It will be very difficult for Babel to repeat the collective performance he got from his kicker and defense last week, as Ka'imi Fairbairn (vs. CHI) and the Bears defense (@HOU) play against each other. But Josh Allen (@MIA) has shown he can consistently be the top fantasy QB out there, which does bode well for KCAK.

Matt had a faceplant in week 1, but that's not actually that rare for him. Tyreek Hill (vs. BUF) was a bright spot, but he will need Brock Purdy and George Kittle (both @MIN) to come through much better to pull off this upset.

Pick: Keep Calm & Keon.

The Vistas are Back (Pat, 1-0, 5th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 0-1, 12th)

Pat leads all-time series, 11-4.

Pat should be happy to sit at 1-0 despite disappointing performances from Malik Nabers (@WAS), Chris Olave (@DAL), and Dalton Kincaid (@MIA). Kenneth Walker III (@NE) and Aaron Jones (vs. SF) looked like their old selves, though they do have tougher matchups in week 2.

Kevin's team should have been better than they were last week. Patrick Mahomes II (vs. CIN) and Ja'Marr Chase (@KC) were both pretty mediocre, and the 49ers defense (@MIN) was just OK from a fantasy perspective. Jahmyr Gibbs (vs. TAM) and Zack Moss (@KC) can only carry so much load if Kev wants to return to the playoffs.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Ed Gross (Richie, 1-0, 7th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 0-1, 10th)

Pulley leads all-time series, 10-3.

Joe Burrow (@KC) can only go up from his week 1 score for Richie, right? But of course, Joe Mixon (vs. CHI) can only really go down. If those two even out, Richie will still need Garrett Wilson (@TEN) and Davante Adams (@BAL) to play better to be a real contender.

Meanwhile, Pulley would like to just move forward. Cooper Kupp (@ARI) looks even better with Puka Nacua out for a while, though Josh Jacobs (vs. IND) could suffer with Jordan Love hurt. J.K. Dobbins (@CAR) was electric in his Chargers debut, though, and could be the steal of the draft.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Live Commish (Ed, 0-1, 8th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 0-1, 14th)

Derrek leads all-time series, 10-9.

Ed was the highest scoring loser of week 1, but he was still a loser - which means this is the lone battle of winless teams. Jayden Daniels (vs. NYG) had a great debut and now gets an easy opponent. Breece Hall (@TEN) and Jonathan Taylor (@GB) were both good, but not great. The commissioner will really need Amari Cooper (@JAC) to break out, especially with Tee Higgins still injured.

Derrek snagged Isaiah Likely (vs. LV) on waivers, which should help his team recover from its heartbeat being slapped. A Sunday night shootout would be huge for D, as he has both C.J. Stroud (vs. CHI) and D.J. Moore (@HOU) in that game.

Pick: Ed Gross.

Closing Thoughts

It was a good week for kickers and defenses! Here was the average score by position for our teams this week:

  • QB: 18.87
  • RB: 11.84
  • DEF: 11.07
  • K: 11.01
  • WR: 9.18
  • TE: 4.20