The Sanderson Gazette - 2025-12-10 - [Empty] Victories

"In a perfect ending to my miserable season, I have the privilege of [empty] securing my Twolves Tussle victory and avoiding last place in a legitimate way." - Babel

Week 14 Recap

Richie def. Scott, 95.17-93.73

Richie needed to win to have a chance at the playoffs. And his team came through with a little bit to spare, as he was able to bench Quentin Johnston (1.07) in favor of Babel's favorite player, [empty] (zero), on Monday night! He was in that position thanks to Travis Etienne, Jr. (20.47) and Jake Bates (17.10)... and because Scott could manage only 1.07 from Travis Kelce and 7.67 from Bijan Robinson. But would Richie's win be enough?

Kevin def. Dave, 113.45-109.92

Kevin kept his rival out of the playoffs - and put Richie in! - behind strong games from Jahmyr Gibbs (32.57), DK Metcalf (19.73), and the Miami defense (18.00). Josh Allen (38.85) did his best to help Dave defend the Sanderson Cup, but D.J. Moore (-0.53), Justin Jefferson (1.47), and Evan Engram (1.07) were just too much to overcome.

Rob def. Pulley, 129.77-102.05

The Clash of Hatred went Rob's way for the second straight year with Michael Wilson (30.93) continuing his torrid stretch for the victor. Pulley was undone by Patrick Mahomes II's 5.57, which canceled out Christian Watson's 23.87.

Schertz def. Pat, 125.16-44.17

Schertz roared into the playoffs, getting good games from Joe Burrow (25.70), De'Von Achane (16.93), Nico Collins (16.13), and Kyren Williams (16.13). Pat fell to a new low (more on that soon) as he took zeroes from Dontayvion Wicks and Jake Moody and -1.00 from the Colts defense.

Rabbit def. Derrek, 95.36-91.22

Rabbit held onto first place despite Jalen Hurts's (2.30) best efforts to lose it for him on Monday night. Ultimately, the Seattle defense (21.00) and Chase Brown (15.90) were good enough. Derrek got 17.00 from his defense (Minnesota) and a surprising 16.13 from Jerry Jeudy to close out the year.

Matt def. Mike R., 94.37-90.40

Matt defeated Mike for the 17th time ever with Harold Fannin, Jr. (21.20) leading the way. Mike lost despite 34.27 from Puka Nacua and 24.27 from Tee Higgins thanks to Daniel Jones's injury-caused 1.40.

Babel def. Ed, 67.49-63.55

Finally, we get to the game that inspired this issue's introductory quote. Babel's team put up a huge dud, but we was still able to start [empty] (zero) on Monday night instead of the Eagles defense (13.00), as he had this one locked up. Ed finally got a good game from Lamar Jackson (22.25) but ended his season on a very low note.

Standings

Rabbit's 1,692.56 points are now the most ever in a single season, though his average score dipped to third place due to his sub-100 week fourteen.

  1. Rabbit, 12-2, 1,692.56 (b)
  2. Kevin, 12-2, 1,532.09 (b)
  3. Rob, 11-3, 1,360.70 (x)
  4. Scott, 8-6, 1,593.20 (x)
  5. Schertz, 8-6, 1,471.16 (x)
  6. Richie, 8-6, 1,245.76 (x)
  7. Dave, 7-7, 1,393.52
  8. Pulley, 6-8, 1,431.45
  9. Ed, 6-8, 1,301.71
  10. Mike R., 5-9, 1,531.55
  11. Matt, 4-10, 1,273.81
  12. Babel, 4-10, 1,176.20
  13. Pat, 4-10, 1,129.47
  14. Derrek, 3-11, 1,267.92
  • (b) - clinched bye
  • (x) - clinched playoff berth

Blingalytics Ratings

Rabbit's expected winning percentage is the second highest mark ever, trailing only his ridiculous 2010 season. He did set one new record, though: all-play winning percentage, at 0.797.

Babel and Pat come in at 6th and 9th, respectively, on the worst expected winning percentage list.

  1. Rabbit, 760
  2. Scott, 669
  3. Mike R., 622
  4. Kevin, 617
  5. Schertz, 581
  6. Pulley, 549
  7. Dave, 512
  8. Rob, 483
  9. Ed, 416
  10. Richie, 407
  11. Matt, 403
  12. Derrek, 400
  13. Pat, 294
  14. Babel, 287

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

Rob started and ended the season with Team Blangums awards, as his 129.77 was the high total this week.

Slapped Heartbeat

Pat's 44.17 is his lowest score of the year and his worst total in more than ten.

Weekly MVP

It has to go to [empty], right? It was in the winning lineup for two teams!

Dud of the Week

D.J. Moore scored -0.53 in a game Dave needed to win to reach the playoffs.

Start of the Week

[Empty]'s trophy case is ironically full after this week.

Misplay of the Week

Dave could have played Colby Parkinson and his 10.27 over Evan Engram and his 1.07 and beaten Kevin to make the playoffs.

Pryor Play of the Week

Jerry Jeudy scored 16.13 for Derrek; that's just the second time all season he's hit double figures.

D'Ernest D'oh

Scott picked up the Chargers defense, who scored 14.00; had he actually played them instead of the Steelers (4.00), he'd have beaten Richie.

Season Postmortems

Derrek, 3-11 (0.214), 1,267.92 points (90.57 average), 14th place, 5.60 expected wins

Derrek finished in last place for the second straight year, the first team to repeat that feat since Kevin did it ten years ago. (Derrek and Kevin are also the only two teams to finish in last multiple times since we expanded to fourteen teams, which they've both done thrice.)

It's easy to forget that D was 2-1 at one point, but it wasn't really injuries that did him in. Christian McCaffrey was healthy and great all year, but Justin Herbert and Ladd McConkey were up-and-down, TreVeyon Henderson was bad more often than he was good, and Jakobi Meyers and Jerry Jeudy had long stretches of irrelevance.

Heading into next year, McCaffrey (1st) could end up being a keeper if the lottery goes poorly for Derrek. Jordan Addison (6th) and Colston Loveland (8th) have promise, as does Henderson (2nd) if the lottery goes well for D. Oh, and Ladd McConkey (5th) could be a carry-over option, as well.

Pat, 4-10 (0.286), 1,129.47 points (80.68 average), 13th place, 4.11 expected wins

Pat, like D, actually started out well! After scoring over 130 in week five, he was in fourth place by both record (3-2) and expected wins (2.68). But from that point forward, he averaged below 70 points per game and added just 1.43 expected wins to his total.

A lot can be blamed on injuries to Malik Nabers and Mike Evans, but outside of one huge Nabers game, neither was playing that well when healthy. As for keepers, Jayden Daniels will cost a 6th next year, Ashton Jeanty a 1st, and Malik Nabers a 1st. Dalton Kincaid (9th) might profile as Pat's best 2026 option at the moment.

Babel, 4-10 (0.286), 1,176.20 points (84.01 average), 12th place, 4.01 expected wins

Babel's rivalry week win pulled him out of the cellar. His only triple digit performance was a 146-point blowup back in week four and he had his heartbeat slapped twice. This was his worst year ever in terms of average score and expected wins.

So let's look to next year! Drake Maye (9th) and Quinshon Judkins (5th) look like very good keepers, so Babel can expect to bounce back from his "miserable" 2025.

Matt, 4-10 (0.286), 1,273.81 points (90.99 average), 11th place, 5.64 expected wins

Matt ended the year like he started it, on a two-game winning streak. In between, he became just the second team ever to lose ten straight games in a season.

Javonte Williams (9th) was acquired as a keeper for next year, and Bucky Irving (7th) appears to be a good repeat keeper. But there are also some interesting players like Harold Fannin, Jr. (9th), Caleb Williams (7th), and Adonai Mitchell (9th) who could enter into the mix for Matt.

Mike R., 5-9 (0.357), 1,531.55 points (109.40 average), 10th place, 8.71 expected wins

Only 2018 Scott and 2022 Schertz averaged more points per game among teams that failed to make the playoffs than Mike's 109.40 this year. Puka Nacua, Rashee Rice, and James Cook III were all among the top players at their positions in terms of per-game scoring, and Daniel Jones, Tee Higgins, and Chris Olave were all valuable players, too. Suffice to say, Mike just had bad luck this year; the gap of 0.265 between his expected winning percentage (0.622) and his actual (0.357) is the second largest ever, only behind 2012 Rob's 0.297.

Mike made a big move to get Tyler Warren (8th) as a keeper and also has Rice (6th), so he has to be happy what his team looks like heading into next year's draft, at least.

Ed, 6-8 (0.429), 1,301.71 points (92.98 average), 9th place, 5.83 expected wins

Ed didn't quit when he fell to 1-5 and even pulled back up to .500 before truly falling out of the race. Despite that rally, he still wound up with his worst team ever by expected winning percentage.

Rome Odunze (4th) was the rare player to stay on Ed's roster all year and joins Tetairoa McMillan (3rd), George Kittle (3rd), Cam Skattebo (9th), and Jayden Higgins (9th) as keeper options.

Pulley, 6-8 (0.429), 1,431.45 points (102.25 average), 8th place, 7.68 expected wins

Pulley started 0-3, won five in a row to move to 5-3, but then lost five of his last six to quietly miss the playoffs.

Jaxon Smith-Njigba (4th) looks like an amazing keeper for the second straight year and Amon-Ra St. Brown (1st) will probably be worth it even for the high cost. But don't rule out Darren Waller (13th) and Christian Watson (9th), whom Pulley stashed all year.

Dave, 7-7 (0.500), 1,393.52 points (99.54 average), 7th place, 7.17 expected wins

Dave's 2025 probably gave him flashbacks to 2012, when he also lost his last three games to miss out on a playoff berth.

It will be interesting to see how Dave approaches his keeper decision. Josh Allen could have value in the back half of the 2nd round and DeVonta Smith could have some in the 3rd. Beyond that, it's hard to see any obvious choices.

Quarterfinals Preview

#4 Let him Mind the Gap! (Scott, 8-6) vs. #5 schertzopotamus (Schertz, 8-6)

Schertz leads all-time series, 5-4.

This looks to be a banger of a quarterfinals matchup between two hot teams. From week ten on, Scott's and Schertz's average scores - 114.82 and 115.20, respectively - were only bested by Rabbit (120.75), and they were closer to him than fourth place was to them.

The difference in this one could come down to health. Scott may or may not be able to play CeeDee Lamb (vs. MIN) and Drake London (@TAM), both of whom are currently questionable. If he can't, Robinsons Bijan (@TAM) and Wan'Dale (vs. WAS) will have to carry heavier loads than usual, and R.J. Harvey (vs. GB) will need to put up another big game against a defense the Bears showed could be run on.

Schertz has his own questionable star, De'Von Achane (@PIT). Beyond that, Nico Collins (vs. ARI) and Kyren Williams (vs. DET) are his old reliable stalwarts, while Joe Burrow (vs. BAL) and Omarion Hampton (@KC) returned from injury like they hadn't been gone.

Pick: schertzopotamus.

#3 Rob for Today (Rob, 11-3) vs. #6 Barftastic (Richie, 8-6)

Rob leads all-time series, 8-7.

This matchup looks to be the opposite of the other quarterfinal. Since expansion, Richie's average score of 88.98 is the worst mark ever among playoff teams, while Rob's 97.19 is the seventh worst. These two have an average expected winning percentage of 0.445, which is the worst ever for a quarterfinals matchup. (For comparison, Scott and Schertz average 0.625, the fourth best ever.)

Rob's been getting uneven performances from Baker Mayfield (vs. ATL), Emeka Egbuka (vs. ATL), and even Saquon Barkley (vs. LV) all year. It's really saying something that his two most reliable players are his kicker, Brandon Aubrey (vs. MIN), and defense, Houston (vs. ARI). And does he dare play the red-hot Michael Wilson against said defense?

Richie's scrappy bunch - Travis Etienne, Jr. (vs. NYJ), Alec Pierce (@SEA), Breece Hall (@JAC), Brock Bowers (@PHI) - has been a lot better in the second half of the season; he had just 1.71 expected wins through week seven, but has 3.98 since. (The latter figure is the sixth most in that time frame.) He's definitely capable of winning a playoff game, especially since he didn't draw one of the stronger opponents...

Pick: Barftastic.

Closing Thoughts

It's been a great year, everyone - good luck to our playoff teams!