The Sanderson Gazette - 2026-09-16 - Highs and Lows

Week 1 Recap

Dave def. Pulley, 145.51-133.88

For one week, at least, Dave's draft day trades paid off in a big way, as Caleb Williams (38.95) and Ashton Jeanty (28.20) were his high scorers. Keepers David Montgomery and D.J. Moore added 26.53 and 19.33, respectively, which kept Dave's awful special teams (Brandon Aubrey scored 1.00 and the Houston defense dipped to -4.00) from torpedoing his week.

Meanwhile, Pulley took the toughest of losses with the second highest total of the week. Derrick Henry (34.93) and Christian Watson (31.60) both broke the thirty-point barrier for the MondoSquad, but Marvin Harrison, Jr. could manage just 4.40 and the Broncos defense put up a meager 1.00 on Monday night.

Mike R. def. Ed, 115.37-110.02

Like last year's contest between Mike and Ed, this one came down to Monday night. Kenneth Walker III (31.70) did his damnedest to lead Ed to a comeback, but Travis Kelce (9.47) and Rashee Rice (8.53) did just enough for Mike to hold on. (The victor was led by Lamar Jackson (27.20) and the Jacksonville defense (15.00).)

Mike and Ed are no strangers to dramatic clashes, as they have alternated wins each year since 2020, and have both broken 100 in four of their last five matchups.

Richie def. Kevin, 85.87-79.00

Our next closest game was not nearly as impressive. Richie got 26.27 from Justin Jefferson and 18.33 from Breece Hall, but every other skill player on his team failed to hit their Yahoo projection. Meanwhile, Kevin saw Jaxson Dart (27.90) outperform expectations while Ja'Marr Chase (1.60) and Jameson Williams (6.00) disappointed.

Schertz def. Rabbit, 109.16-88.85

Schertz got revenge for last year's Blingabowl with Trevor Lawrence (28.05) and Dallas Goedert (22.27) leading the charge. But the big story here is Rabbit's dud, which was his lowest score in over a year! Jonathan Taylor (22.87) and Dalton Kincaid (17.33) were great for our defending champ, but Matthew Stafford (5.65) and Drake London (4.47) were awful.

Pat def. Derrek, 133.20-100.52

The two starting TEs in this game - Kyle Pitts, Sr. (Pat) and Colston Loveland (Derrek) - each put up precisely zero. That didn't really matter for Pat, who exploded behind D'Andre Swift (31.73), Jahmyr Gibbs (29.60), and the Steelers defense (20.00). Derrek got great days from Bijan Robinson (26.30) and Jalen Hurts (25.25), but duds from Loveland, Davante Adams (3.47), and Terry McLaurin (1.87) left him in Pat's dust.

Matt def. Babel, 106.90-89.74

Matt would have been better off without a QB, as Kyler Murray put up -0.20 before he left with an injury. But, like with Pat, that didn't matter; Zay Flowers's 26.00 and Amon-Ra St. Brown's 20.93 were enough for Matt to earn a victory.

Babel wasted good games from Chuba Hubbard (21.97) and Tyler Loop (15.20) and fell to 0-1 on the year.

Scott def. Rob, 97.53-68.92

Scott's Josh Allen (38.00) scored more than half as much as Rob's whole team.

Standings

  1. Dave, 1-0, 145.51
  2. Pat, 1-0, 133.20
  3. Mike R., 1-0, 115.37
  4. Schertz, 1-0, 109.16
  5. Matt, 1-0, 106.90
  6. Scott, 1-0, 97.53
  7. Richie, 1-0, 85.87
  8. Pulley, 0-1, 133.88
  9. Ed, 0-1, 110.02
  10. Derrek, 0-1, 100.52
  11. Babel, 0-1, 89.74
  12. Rabbit, 0-1, 88.85
  13. Kevin, 0-1, 79.00
  14. Rob, 0-1, 68.92

Blingalytics Ratings

  1. Dave, 918
  2. Pulley, 874
  3. Pat, 864
  4. Mike R., 705
  5. Ed, 626
  6. Schertz, 608
  7. Matt, 570
  8. Derrek, 467
  9. Scott, 431
  10. Babel, 287
  11. Rabbit, 267
  12. Richie, 216
  13. Kevin, 132
  14. Rob, 36

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

Dave's 145.51 is the seventh-highest total ever in week one.

Slapped Heartbeat

Rob's 68.92 was the lowest score of the week. His resulting 0.036 expected winning percentage is the sixth-lowest mark ever after one week.

Weekly MVP

Caleb Williams's 38.95 was the highest total of the week, and he played for the Team Blangums winner. This was an easy pick.

Dud of the Week

Ja'Marr Chase's 1.60 was a big reason why Kevin had such a bad week.

Start of the Week

It didn't make a difference in his matchup, but playing T.J. Hockenson's 10.80 (over Terrance Ferguson's zero) was a smart choice by Dave.

Misplay of the Week

Ed left Devaughn Vele (15.20) and Matthew Golden (12.67) on his bench in favor of Courtland Sutton's 1.47. He lost by less than six points.

Pickup of the Week

Matt picked up the Raiders defense and got 15.00 points out of the deal.

Blessed Cahoots

This is our fifteenth season with fourteen teams, which means there have been fifteen times that a 1-0 team was in 7th place. Five of those times- including four of the last six - Richie has been that team.

What I'm saying is that you can probably pencil in Richie to be our #blessedcahoots recipient in week one every season - and this year, you'd have been right! His 85.87 was the third-lowest total of the week, but he came away with a win thanks to Kevin's even worse performance.

Week 2 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Double Digits (Dave, 1-0, 1st) vs. The Vistas are Back (Pat, 1-0, 2nd)

Dave leads all-time series, 12-6.

Dave's reward for defeating the #2 team in week one? Facing the #3 team!

Caleb Williams (vs. MIN) is sure to face a tougher test this week than last, but our first place team has some positive matchups in other places. One of those is the Buccaneers defense, who host a Cleveland team that looked like they only very recently learned what football was.

Pat has his own Bear, D'Andre Swift (vs. MIN), who can't be expected to fully repeat week one. But Jahmyr Gibbs (@BUF) absolutely can, and Jayden Daniels (@DAL) is up against an opponent that made Jaxson Dart look like an all-pro last week.

Pick: Double Digits.

Other Blingamatches

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 1-0, 4th) vs. Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 0-1, 8th)

Pulley leads all-time series, 11-5.

Schertz broke 100 in week one for the first time since 2020, when he was our defending champ. It doesn't seem likely that Dallas Goedert (@TEN) will continue to score 20+ points each game, so he'll need CeeDee Lamb (vs. WAS) and Omarion Hampton (vs. LV) to step up from somewhat disappointing debuts.

Pulley's week one sub-100 streak wasn't as long, but it had to feel good blowing up after failing to break 90 the past two years. Derrick Henry (vs. NO) and Jaxon Smith-Njigba (@ARI) look primed to continue their hot starts, while Marvin Harrison, Jr. (vs. SEA) and the Denver defense (vs. JAC) have nowhere to go but up, right?

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 1-0, 5th) vs. Barftastic (Richie, 1-0, 7th)

Matt leads all-time series, 9-7.

Matt put together a workmanlike victory in week one, meaning that he was led by his best players and didn't have to sweat out his win or get his hopes up for Blangums. Amon-Ra St. Brown (@BUF), playing on Thursday, will be an early indicator of how Matt's week two will go. And then he has Bucky Irving (@CLE) and Javonte Williams (vs. WAS) waiting in the wings. Zay Flowers's (vs. NO) injury makes his overall outlook look worse, but it might not matter this week.

That's because Richie has found himself on the far worse end of the injury stick. A.J. Brown and Brock Bowers are both out for the foreseeable future, which means Tyler Allgeier (vs. SEA) and Michael Mayer (@LAC) have been thrust into starting roles. But that might not matter if the Bears defense looks as bad as they did last week against Justin Jefferson (@CHI) this one.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 1-0, 3rd) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 0-1, 14th)

Rob leads all-time series, 13-8.

Mike outlasted one Gross brother last week and will get his chance to go 2-0 vs. the family this one. Fireworks in the real-life matchup between Lamar Jackson (vs. NO) and Chris Olave (@BAL) will help his cause, and so will George Pickens (vs. WAS) getting back on track.

Meanwhile, Rob suffered through bad weeks from Saquon Barkley (@TEN) and Justin Herbert (vs. LV), but they are facing the right opponents to bounce back. He'll have to make some important choices at WR, though; who among Emeka Egbuka (vs. CLE), Parker Washington (@DEN), Jaylen Waddle (vs. JAC), Jalen Coker (@ATL), and Michael Wilson (@TAM) will be the right plays this week?

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Let him Cook! (Scott, 1-0, 6th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 0-1, 12th)

All-time series tied, 4-4.

Scott didn't have a bad week one, but he was fortunate he didn't need to break 100. James Cook III (vs. DET) was part of his middling result, though Josh Allen (vs. DET) proved that owning the entire Bills backfield can be a winning strategy. He'll need more production at WR to sustain success, though, as Chris Godwin, Jr. (vs. CLE) and Garrett Wilson (vs. GB) looked better in real life than on a stat sheet last week.

Meanwhile, Rabbit's 0-1 for the first time since 2020. Jonathan Taylor (@KC) and Chase Brown (@HOU) are not to blame, and he probably should have faith that Matthew Stafford (vs. NYG) and Drake London (vs. CAR) will be fine in the long run. But he has to avoid 0-2 first.

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Live Commish (Ed, 0-1, 9th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 0-1, 10th)

Derrek leads all-time series, 11-10.

Ed's 0-1 with a .500+ expected winning percentage for the fourth time since 2018; no one else has done that more than twice in the same span. His top three RBs - Kenneth Walker III (vs. IND), Cam Skattebo (@LAR), and De'Von Achane (@SF) - had great, good, and middling results on their 10+ carries in week one, which bodes fairly well moving forward. But DK Metcalf (@NE) had better start putting up better numbers if the commish wants to return to the playoffs.

Derrek also broke 100 and lost in week one, but has to like Bijan Robinson's (vs. CAR) chances against a Carolina team that gave up nearly 300 rushing yards in week one. If he can get bounceback weeks from Davante Adams (vs. NYG) and Terry McLaurin (@DAL), he can vault into contender status himself.

Pick: Live Commish.

Keep Calm & Stefon (Babel, 0-1, 11th) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 0-1, 13th)

Kevin leads all-time series, 11-7.

Babel saw underperformance from Puka Nacua (vs. NYG), Luther Burden III (vs. MIN), and Travis Etienne, Jr. (@BAL) in week one. But those three guys - and the Eagles defense (@TEN), who have a great matchup - can deliver in week two, he can turn his whole season around.

Kevin can say the same about Ja'Marr Chase (@HOU), who's extremely unlikely to have a lower score than his week one output for the rest of the year.

Pick: Keep Calm & Stefon.

Closing Thoughts

Week one's average score of 104.61 is the highest since week five of last year and cracks the top 50 of all time. It's 17.52 point average margin is also in the top 50, which means its excitement score of 1.82 is one of the 25 highest ever. What a fun start to the year!