The Sanderson Gazette - 2026-11-04 - Where No Team Has Gawne Before

Week 8 Recap

Pat def. Scott, 120.62-100.92

Let's cut to the chase: Pat is the first 8-0 team in Blingaleague history! Tee Higgins (32.67), Jahmyr Gibbs (23.30), and the Steelers defense (21.00) led the way for our history-making victor, overcoming Kyle Pitts, Sr.'s 0.80 and Spencer Shrader's 1.00.

Scott took a tough loss, with Bucky Irving (21.00) and James Cook III (16.80) putting up his best scores.

Richie def. Mike R., 149.91-117.80

Richie absolutely exploded, with Joe Burrow (42.60) once again excelling and a low score of 9.07 (Josh Downs). In fact, every one of his offensive players score at least one touchdown.

Mike failed in his own bid to reach 8-0, but can't blame Braelon Allen (21.50), Jaylen Warren (20.30), or the Jaguars defense (21.00). Rather, his team's disappointment is concentrated in Lamar Jackson, who scored zero after getting injured on his first play from scrimmage.

Babel def. Schertz, 101.99-87.43

Babel won his fifth straight game thanks to Drake Maye (22.95), Chuba Hubbard (19.17), and Josh Jacobs (17.63) putting up nice scores. Schertz took zeroes from the Seahawks defense and Tre Tucker, which meant another great game from Tony Pollard (26.37) went to waste.

Pulley def. Rabbit, 94.41-45.35

Pulley put up the third lowest score of the week, with only the Packers defense (13.00) outpacing their Yahoo projections. (Yes, that includes Jaxon Smith-Njigba's 21.73, as Yahoo projected him for a whopping 21.85!)

Of course, that didn't matter, as Rabbit laid a huge egg. Jonathan Taylor (3.50), Drake London (1.07), and Will Reichard (zero) were all huge busts for our defending champ.

Kevin def. Matt, 113.21-102.98

Bayshul Tuten (29.73) and Ja'Marr Chase (24.80) more than made up for Jacoby Brissett's (2.65) benching and Jake Ferguson's (zero) injury, pulling Kevin back to .500 on the season. Matt got 28.95 from Josh Allen, but took an awful zero from Zay Flowers to lose his sixth straight.

Dave def. Derrek, 118.37-94.52

Dave erupted for the third highest score of the week thanks to Adonai Mitchell (24.93) and three tight ends (Mike Gesicki (16.13), T.J. Hockenson (13.73), and Pat Freiermuth (10.77)! Derrek had Kirk Cousins (30.15) put up a huge game, but was undone by Bijan Robinson's 7.60 and Jordan Mason's 3.10.

Rob def. Ed, 110.20-104.19

Michael Wilson (22.50) and Dalton Kincaid (17.47) did enough to earn Rob his first win of the year! Ed made it close thanks to D'Andre Swift's (26.23) three touchdown Monday night, but still fell to 2-6 on the season.

Standings

  1. Pat, 8-0, 927.20
  2. Mike R., 7-1, 936.72
  3. Pulley, 6-2, 957.98
  4. Babel, 6-2, 914.78
  5. Schertz, 5-3, 812.83
  6. Scott, 4-4, 814.67
  7. Kevin, 4-4, 755.88
  8. Richie, 4-4, 731.50
  9. Dave, 3-5, 707.51
  10. Matt, 2-6, 832.65
  11. Ed, 2-6, 824.37
  12. Rabbit, 2-6, 763.59
  13. Derrek, 2-6, 747.31
  14. Rob, 1-7, 658.62

Blingalytics Ratings

  1. Mike R., 717 (7-1)
  2. Pat, 713 (8-0)
  3. Pulley, 675 (6-2)
  4. Babel, 648 (6-2)
  5. Matt, 546 (2-6)
  6. Ed, 543 (2-6)
  7. Scott, 516 (4-4)
  8. Schertz, 490 (5-3)
  9. Rabbit, 459 (2-6)
  10. Kevin, 403 (4-4)
  11. Derrek, 381 (2-6)
  12. Dave, 350 (3-5)
  13. Richie, 327 (4-4)
  14. Rob, 232 (1-7)

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

Richie's 149.91 easily cleared second place to take home Team Blangums this week.

Slapped Heartbeat

The gap between Rabbit's 45.35 and the next lowest score (Schertz's 87.43) was the third-largest ever for a Slapped Heartbeat recipient.

Weekly MVP

Joe Burrow (42.60) had a monster week for Richie.

Dud of the Week

Rabbit had a slew of duds, but the winner of this prize will go to Zay Flowers. He scored zero points - more than fourteen less than his average - in a matchup Matt lost by less than eleven.

Start of the Week

Rob wasn't tempted by the potential return of Jadarian Price (3.97), instead opting for Michael Wilson (22.50) and Jaylen Waddle (13.20) in his flex spots. The drop from either player to Price would have lost him his matchup.

Misplay of the Week

DeMario Douglas (16.13) sat on Schertz's bench while Tre Tucker (zero) bottomed out in his starting lineup. Schertz lost by less than that difference.

Pickup of the Week

Rob needed every point Tyler Bass (15.90) got him this week.

Week 9 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Keep Calm & Dameon (Babel, 6-2, 4th) vs. Barftastic (Richie, 4-4, 8th)

Babel leads all-time series, 12-5.

Babel has emerged as one of the strongest contenders in the league this year, and his reward has been to face the previous Team Blangums winner for two weeks in a row now. But if anyone can run that gauntlet, it's this team. Drake Maye (vs. GB) has been red hot, Josh Jacobs (@NE) has been a touchdown machine since his return, and Puka Nacua (@WAS) is still the best WR without a hyphen in his name.

Richie may be coming off a Team Blangums award, but he had to have a lot go right for that to happen; I still see him as a pretender until at least one of Justin Jefferson (vs. BUF) or A.J. Brown (vs. GB) starts playing like a top ten WR again. Brock Bowers (@SF) does paper over a lot of flaws, though.

Pick: Keep Calm & Dameon.

Other Blingamatches

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 6-2, 3rd) vs. The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 4-4, 7th)

Pulley leads all-time series, 15-9.

Pulley's led the league in points since week two, which automatically makes him a contender. Having Jaxon Smith-Njigba (vs. ARI), who has scored 17.87 or more in every week but one, will do that for you. Pulley's roster does have some question marks, though (e.g. Derrick Henry (vs. JAC), Aaron Jones, Sr. (vs. BUF)), so he might feel a little antsy after his below-average week eight total.

Kevin, like Richie, has a better record than his metrics would suggest, but his big-name WR (Ja'Marr Chase (@ATL)) is playing like a star, so I'll provisionally put him among the contenders. But that status might be short-lived, as things look kind of rough for Kev outside of Chase this week. Bhayshul Tuten's (@BAL) status for Thursday night is up in the air, and he just picked up a QB (Deshaun Watson (@NO)) who almost immediately went into the concussion protocol.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

schertzopotamus (Schertz, 5-3, 5th) vs. Let him Cook Moore! (Scott, 4-4, 6th)

Schertz leads all-time series, 6-4.

Schertz came crashing back down to Earth in week eight, so I'll do a somewhat controversial thing and say he's just a pretender. Sure, CeeDee Lamb (@IND) can be the best overall WR when he's on, but he's failed to crack double figures in three of the past four weeks. And while Jonah Coleman (@CAR) had a breakout performance last week, he's probably not the ideal choice for your second best player.

Scott just went out and made a big trade for Jordan Love (@NE), D.J. Moore (@MIN), and Cam Skattebo (@PHI) (which, per standard Gazette protocol, will be covered more in-depth next week), so he's announced himself as a contender. His week nine hopes, however, may come down to the two Bills referenced in his team name, Moore and James Cook III (@MIN), who have a tough Monday night opponent.

Pick: Let him Cook Moore!

The Vistas are Back (Pat, 8-0, 1st) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 2-6, 13th)

Derrek leads all-time series, 11-8.

Pat's 8-0, and he's earned that record; it's hard not to consider him our top contender right now. If he does eventually take home the Sanderson Cup, he'll owe a ton to Jahmyr Gibbs (@MIA) and Tee Higgins (@ATL), who have both been outstanding. His less critical players have some nice matchups this week, too: Jared Goff (@MIA) and Quinshon Judkins (@NO) face weak defenses, and the Bears defense (vs. TAM) is up against a team that didn't complete a pass last week.

Derrek, for the fourth straight year, is a pretender, even if he somehow has more Team Blangums awards than his opponent. Bijan Robinson (vs. CIN) has not disappointed, but he's the only player you can say that about on D's roster.

Pick: The Vistas are Back.

Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 7-1, 2nd) vs. Live Commish (Ed, 2-6, 11th)

All-time series tied, 10-10.

At 7-1, Mike is an obvious contender. He gets Christian McCaffrey (vs. LV) back from his bye this week, but will be without Jaylen Warren (bye) and Lamar Jackson (IR). He'd been without Jackson for most of the season, though, so is that a big loss?

Ed's weekly scores have been in the top half of the league in six of eight weeks so far; only Pat, Mike R., and Pulley (all with seven) have as many such weeks. But he's merely a pretender, as a 2-6 record is just too much to overcome. Thanks to his trade with Scott (again, more on that next week), he now has three of the top thirteen scoring RBs this season in Kenneth Walker III (vs. NYJ), D'Andre Swift (vs. TAM), and Bucky Irving (@CHI). Just, uh, don't bother looking at his WR corps...

Pick: Live Commish.

Double Digits (Dave, 3-5, 9th) vs. Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 2-6, 12th)

Rabbit leads all-time series, 14-7.

Our last two champions have racked up five Slapped Heartbeats between them. Dave's a pretender because Ashton Jeanty (@SF) hasn't lived up to his potential and Tetairoa McMillan (vs. DEN) and Nico Collins (@LAC) have been inconsistent.

Rabbit's a pretender because - after underperforming his metrics through seven weeks - he put up the league's worst score of the season so far in week eight. If Jonathan Taylor (vs. DAL) and Drake London (vs. CIN) can't bounce back in week nine, should we expect him to pivot towards acquiring keepers?

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-6, 10th) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 1-7, 14th)

Matt leads all-time series, 14-9.

Matt's in the pretender group thanks to bad fortune that only rivals Ed's (even though, despite having more expected wins than the commissioner, he's only scored above the league median in three of eight weeks). A team with Josh Allen (@MIN) and Amon-Ra St. Brown (@MIA) shouldn't have a record this bad.

Meanwhile, Rob's clearly just playing out the string. You could say he's not even a pretender, since he's completely accepted his fate.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

Closing Thoughts

Only four teams failed to hit triple digits in week eight - the first time that had happened in exactly three years!